ARE YOU SERIOUS? ... CONTINUING THE CONVERSATION

David, who is from Europe, is a senior power forward on his college basketball team. In his freshman and sophomore years he was playing major minutes, but in his third year the school brought in a new coach, who hasn't been playing David as much, which has been very frustrating. In addition, when he does get in, David doesn't get many touches of the ball on offense.

"I feel like I need to keep proving myself to my coach," David told me, "but even when I have great games it doesn't seem to make much difference as far as playing time."

Like most Europeans playing in the States, David always assumed that he would return to Europe and play professionally. Coming up, he had been a member of his country's junior national teams. But his lack of playing time and reduced role on the team now has him doubting his future possibilities - and even his desire to play.

"I just keep thinking that I should be playing better ... playing more. I just feel like the fans expect so much more from me. I expect more from myself. I should be playing like a future professional player.  When I have a good game I get excited, but then I have a poor game and then I feel really down... and my emotional mindset keeps going up and down."

While David's situaion is indeed frustrating, it is important for him to keep the focus on the things over which HE has control. The number of minutes he gets or the role he is asked to play - those are things that his coach decides. Maybe these are based on good reasons ... and maybe not. The fact that David felt he has not been able to prove his value to the coach suggests that latter might be the case ... but there is not much value to David's pre-occupation with that. So I steered the conversation toward some of the things that were in HIS control.

For one, I asked him if he was having fun. (Just this week Super Bowl bound Carolina quarterback Cam Newton said that when his career is over he wants to be able to say he had fun.) 

"On a scale of 1 - 10, what number best describes how much fun you were having in your last game?"

"3" he said, adding, "when I score, then it's fun.

Reminding David that basketball isn't ONLY about scoring, I said, "You can't always control if you are going to score. For example, let's say you play really strong defense, so that you keep your guy from scoring or wear him down trying to score off you. EFFORT and INTENSITY - those are among the things that you can control. And even if no one notices, YOU would know. Is that something that after the game you would feel satisfied about?"

"Yeah, I guess so," David said, adding "When I dunk, then it's fun."

"David, you are putting the cart before the horse. When you are having fun, then you are going to play with the kind of excitement that leads to dunking when given the opportunity. On the other hand, when you are consumed with feelings of disappointment you won't have that same kind of excitement. Instead of relying on having a dunk - which may or may not happen - to create feelings of fun, you might think about what it would take for you to enjoy being out there and THOSE feelings are more likely to lead to making that dunk"

"You know what," David replied, suddenly picking up. "I think if I play like Dennis Rodman - just go out there and don't really care about anything - no expectations ... "  As he spoke, his eyes lit up and there was a huge grin on his face.

"You see," I said, "THAT is how you go about having fun. If you go into your next game with THAT as your goal - to play like Dennis Rodman - if you do that, I believe you will find your whole mindset will change."

"So that is what I should do?"

"Think of it this way ... rather than that is what you SHOULD do, that is what you CAN do."

"OK. I see. That is a different way of looking at it. I have been putting so much pressure on myself in terms of what I SHOULD be doing - it really makes more sense to tell myself what I CAN be doing!"

I think that retired tennis champion Andre Agassi had his finger on the matter ... if you don't remember what I wrote previously go back to my earlier post  on the topic.

P.S. (Update) Congratulations to David, who had 14 points and 9 rebounds in his final game as a senior!!

"MITCH, I'M LOSING MY FOCUS AND I DON'T KNOW WHY. HELP!!"

Sometimes an athlete is experiencing a problem that can be solved in a relatively short time – even on occasion in a single conversation. It is also worth noting in the following case, that it is not always necessary to know WHY the problem is happening to be able to find a fix.

Here is the case of Dan, a 19 year old post player who is currently in a post-grad program in the U.S., with the goal of being recruited to a good Division 1 school. He contacted me online and wrote;

Mitch, I'm losing my focus I don’t know why.  Can you recommend something for concentration, like some drills.

Tell me what is happening – what is the problem?

I’m not focused in practices, losing the ball, can't focus on drills and stuff like that. I’m feeling lost on the court, I get tired quickly and have trouble going hard like I used to. Today there were some college coaches watching our practice and I feel like I blew my opportunity.

Any thought about what might be happening? Is there anything that has changed lately?

I don't know. I can't think of anything that has changed, yet I feel tired,

Have you had that feeling before in the past?

No, first time

And you are sleeping well at night?

I have been sleeping fine.

The next thing is to be sure you are eating well (fruits and vegetables, enough protein, etc.)

The third thing is about stress. For example it is probably stressful to think that you didn't make a good impression on the coaches today.

Well the stress about coaches is always there. Actually I am usually playing better when coaches come. Last week I was terrible in practice and especially today when they were there. And my coach is always saying now, “What’s wrong with you, Dan?”

And you don't have any thought as to why this is happening?

Not at all

I see. Can you describe for me how you were playing today?

I had trouble maintaining focus. Usually I can post up anybody but today I couldn't.   And when I went to make a hook shot or layup the ball would slip from my hand.  Or when I run I get tired rather quickly. And my defense was terrible… I just stand and watch the ball instead of going after the rebound.

It is as if something is taking your focus away from the things you need to be doing out on the court – the things that usually you do without such difficulty.

Yes, exactly.

And what do you notice when you are really focused?  Can you describe how you are playing (or practicing) when things are going the best?

I’m thinking about the ball, getting the rebound, make a good move, setting a good screen and stuff like that.

I see. So now I want you to close your eyes and picture such a moment when you were really focused and thinking those things. And let me know when you have done this.

It’s hard because I think about the bad things all the time, and when I close my eyes that is what I see.

Like what?

Like the bad plays I have been making lately.

And when you picture some such bad play what happens?

I get nervous.

So now try this ... imagine that this happens as you just said - you picture some bad play and it gets you feeling nervous... THEN at that moment take 3 slow deep breaths - very slow and deep.

Alright.

What did you notice as you did this?

I feel calmer and overall better.

So here is what I suggest… when you start to lose focus (and like I said some other worries draw your thoughts away from what his happening on the court) one thing that will be helpful is to INTERRUPT that very thing (this loss of focus when you start to feel bad, get nervous, etc.).  And one of the most simple ways to do this is be taking some slow deep breaths just as you did now.

So when you start to lose focus one thing that can help is to INTERRUPT the loss of focus (when you start to feel bad, get nervous, etc...) One easy way to do that is to take some slow deep

Wow, I see what you mean. I am impressed. So when I lose my focus in practice or at games I should do this.

Try this... For the next week - every time in practice when you are standing around between drills take 3 slow deep breaths. And each time as you exhale feel that you are releasing (letting go of) the negative things

It can just take 15-20 seconds each time... but if you do that 8-10 times each practice you will be teaching your body how to INTERRUPT the kinds of things that you have been experiencing lately and replacing it with the kind of focus and energy you were used to having.

________________________

One week later Dan reported feeling back in control and rarely experiencing the problems he had come to be about.

In most cases the proposed strategy is kind of like a first-aid thing. Other follow up may be helpful, including steps to develop tools to manage future events that might cause similar stress. But this strategy proved useful in helping Dan get back to feelings of control in a QUICK and UNCOMPLICATED manner.

PLAYING YOUR BEST AT CRUNCH TIME... PART 4: DON'T "LOSE IT" WHEN IT MATTERS

In describing the lowest scoring NCAA Final Four game in history (UConn over Butler 53-41 in the 2011 Championship Game), the word “ugly” was used by sports writers about a gazillion times. Well… it WAS a low-scoring game (22-19 at the half – there are football games with higher scores than that!!) Yes, both teams played tenacious defense, but in a second half where Butler shot 6-for-37 (and just 2-for-18 two-point shooting – that’s 11.1%!!!) I believe it was more than the aggressive UConn defense that made the difference.

While UConn did manage to shut Butler down, the Butler players DID get many decent looks in the second half – the shots just didn’t fall. Any team – and any player – can have an off night where that is going to happen.  But I suspect that in large part, Butler had a hand in its own poor showing.

Consider the comment made by UConn guard Jeremy Lamb, whose solid second half play helped his team to a decisive pummeling of Butler. Lamb noted afterwards that after his own difficulties in the first half where none of his own shots were falling, he got a boost of confidence when he made his first two free throws in the second half. “Feeling the ball go through the net really helped,” he noted.

Meanwhile, the opposite dynamic was happening for Butler. As shots didn’t fall, the frustration kept building, and the disappointment kept growing. I suspect that guys’ mental/emotional state (stress) started to take its toll, and when it did, muscles tightened up, shots got rushed, and they began to force their game.

A few years ago in a second-round NCAA Tournament game, CAL Berkeley, known for its strong defensive play, faced Pitt, another defense-minded team. When California’s offense went four minutes without scoring, the team started to get into a rut. Soon their defensive effort went downhill as well. The dry spell on offense led to frustration, which in turn stymied their defensive play. It was a hard-fought game, and Pitt never let up, but in many ways CAL beat themselves when they let a few bad moments take them out of their game.

I am certain that Butler coach Brad Stevens (currently head coach of the Boston Celtics) came up with well-crafted plays to help his guys get back into the game. But I suspect that they were struggling to regain their competitive fight.  It was there - as much as in the X's and O's - where Butler could have used a re-set button. 


Thomas, a post player I worked with, had been struggling throughout much of the season, missing shots he knew he should have been making. We had been working together for two months when he told me about one game he had played.

“I missed a lot of easy shots in the first half – my coach was yelling at me, my head was going crazy. But at half time I listened to my body; it was tight.  I took some deep breaths and relaxed, trying to let go of all the stress and get back the two things you and I have talked about – playing with conviction … and having fun.  I then went out in the second half and finished two shots around the rim and hit a 3-pointer in the third quarter.  I ended up with 25 points and 10 rebounds, including going 5-for-8 from 3-point range.”

Few athletes would seem to possess the unshakeable confidence of a top athlete like NBA star Vince Carter. One season while he was still with the Raptors, Carter returned to the rotation following a five-game absence due to injury. It was clear during the first few minutes of play that his game was suffering, his shot flat and off the mark. He missed a number of baskets until he finally banked one in off the backboard. I got to speak with him after the game and asked him about it. 

“Well, I had my mom and my agent and everyone telling me not to try to make up for five missed games right away, and just to take it easy, but I kept thinking about that and couldn’t help myself, so I was pretty hyper for the first few minutes although after a while I settled down. Thank goodness for that three-pointer I shot going in, even though it was off the glass, or else I would have really felt embarrassed.”      

Of course, every athlete has to find his or her own rhythm, but Carter was, by his own admission, feeling beset by the demands of the moment to the point of a lapse of confidence, and consequently waiting for that first shot to drop to get his confidence back.

I know that most athletes share Carter’s view (I once argued the point with tennis great Andy Roddick, who similarly professed that – even with all the championships under his belt – having a rough patch brought down his confidence). I nevertheless believe – and tell the players I work with, “DON’T BASE YOUR CONFIDENCE ON HOW YOU HAVE BEEN PLAYING IN THE PAST 10 MINUTES (or worse – the RESULTS of those past 10 minutes).  BASE YOUR CONFIDENCE ON WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN DOING THE PAST 10 YEARS… ON WHO YOU ARE AS AN ATHLETE. ”

Helping Thomas (the player I was working with) keep that in mind was a critical part of getting him back to consistent top level basketball as the season went on.  When the Butler players needed it most, their confidence gave way to stress and disappointment. As a result, they allowed their performance to determine how confident they felt, rather than find the confidence to dictate their performance.

“DON’T LET YOUR GAME DETERMINE YOUR ATTITUDE - LET YOUR ATTITUDE DETERMINE YOUR GAME” is how professional golf champion Davis Love III puts it.

It’s likely that UConn was the better team on this particular night in any event.  But Butler’s inability to match up with UConn in the second half was – I believe – in some measure, a failure in the mental area. After all, momentum in games does have a way of shifting.  But MENTALLY, where the Butler team seemed to be in the second half, put that possibility MORE AND MORE OUT OF REACH as the clock wore down. After the amazing run Butler had all season – and especially throughout the tournament – it was unfortunate to see it come down to that.

*          *          *          *          *

“When the pressure is on in big game situations, whoever is able to relax and enjoy the moment is the one who is most going to be in control.”

--Baseball Hall of Famer George Brett

---

* In a 2002 first-round NCAA game mid-major Valparaiso went up against Kentucky. Valpo’s best outside shooter was Lubos Barton, who today plays in the top Spanish league. Barton, averaging 15.9 points over the season, had only 2 points in the first half and went 2-for-9 overall. After the game I asked Valpo head coach Homer Drew if he hadn’t thought to get the ball more to someone else, and he replied that he was fine with Barton shooting every time he had the open shot – and if they didn’t fall… well that was how it goes, adding, “We were anxious to do well… but we tried too hard.” (In the same game, Tayshaun Prince shot just 5-for-14, going 0-for-6 from 3-point range.)

KEEPING PERSPECTIVE IN SPORT AND IN LIFE

  Few of us live our lives free of adversity, challenges and disappointments. Likewise, few athletes compete without adversity, challenges and disappointments.  Two thousand years ago, a philosopher and sports enthusiast named Philo who lived in Alexandria Egypt, wrote the following words: "It rarely happens that God allows a man to run life's race from start to finish without stumbling or falling, and to escape fouls by rushing past them with a sudden and violent burst of speed."

  A mark of champions is their ability to face those challenges and disappointments in such a way that they are able to rebound from them and resume a spirit of energetic enthusiasm and confident competitiveness.

  The following parable offers insight into that wisdom ... 

   IN THE COURT OF KING SOLOMON there served a loyal officer named Joseph, who took upon himself any task that was required to minister to his master.  Often he could be heard bragging to the others: “There is no assignment the king could ask of me that I would be unable to fulfill.”

   When word of this reached the king, he thought to put the braggart Joseph to the test.  He decided to ask Joseph to fetch him an item that did not exist!

   Summoning Joseph to the royal chambers, King Solomon said to him:  “There is a ring that I have had my heart set on owning for some time.  It is a special ring that can make a sad person happy, and yet make a happy person sad.   I want you to find this ring and bring it back to me within the next 6 months.

   Joseph accepted his assignment eagerly.  First he went to the camel traders, certain that in their journeys across the deserts, one of them would have surely come across such a ring.  But, alas, none of them had knowledge of such a treasure.  So he turned to the seafarers, hoping that in their voyages to far off lands, one of them might have knowledge of this fantastic ring.  But none of them were of any help to him, either.

   SO JOSEPH DECIDED that he would have to go off in search of this special ring himself.  He traveled from country to country, from bazaar to bazaar, but nowhere was he able to find the ring he had been asked to locate.  Nevertheless, the knowledge that his king depended on him to fulfill this mission kept him devoted to the task.

   Month followed month, and after Joseph’s searches brought him no success, he arrived at yet another country, yet another bazaar, at yet another jeweler’s stall.  Here he found a young lad, and asked him, as he had so many others, if he knew perhaps of a ring such as the one he had been assigned to bring back.  Hoping against hope that the lad might offer encouraging words, he learned that the boy knew of no such ring.  Deeply disappointed by the news, and with the six months coming to a rapid close, Joseph turned to leave the shop when the boy’s grandfather, who had overheard the conversation, came forth and said, “I know of such a ring that truly has the power to make a sad man happy, and make a happy man sad.  Wait here and I shall produce it for you.”

   AS JOSEPH WAITED with great anticipation, the old man went into the back room of his shop, took a simple gold band, and inscribed something on the inside of the ring.  This he then brought it out to Joseph.

   Joseph examined the ring, smiled, and said, “Yes, this is certainly the ring I have been looking for!”

   Upon his return to Jerusalem, Joseph proceeded to the palace of Solomon.  When the king asked if Joseph had succeeded in his task, imagine his shock when Joseph replied that indeed, he had located the ring as requested of him.

   He handed the ring to the king.  As the king examined it, a strange expression came over his face, for he was reminded that both his greatest accomplishments and his deepest sorrows were but fleeting occurrences.

   “Yes,” said Solomon, “this is truly a ring that has the power to make a sad man happy and a happy man sad.”  For what was written on the ring were the words: THIS, TOO, SHALL PASS.

   The king put the ring on, and wore it from that day forward.  And every time he felt sad or depressed, he would look at the ring, whereupon his mood would change and good cheer would come to him.

                       © 2016 by Dr. Mitch Smith, Certified Sport Psychology Consultant

PLAYING YOUR BEST AT CRUNCH TIME PART 5: WHEN IT'S "NOW OR NEVER"

Cincinnati Reds pitcher Mike Leake spent the 2011 spring training working for a spot on the club’s 25-man roster. Things didn’t go entirely well … Leake had a 7.29 ERA in six spring training outings competing for the 5^th spot in the rotation. His chances weren’t looking so good – but then two other pitchers, Johnny Cueto and Homer Bailey, went out with injuries, making way for Leake – at least for the moment.

So when Leake took to the mound against the Astros on April 8, 2011, he had a lot on the line.  According to one report, manager Dusty Baker left Leake feeling that he had better prove himself if he didn’t want to be going back to the team’s AAA affiliate.

Leake got the team up to an early 5-0 lead, before an Astros single in the 5^th drove in two runs, but the Reds got the win 8-2.

As it turns out, Leake’s place on the roster wasn’t really in jeopardy after all; it just seems that the coaches felt he might do a better job if he believed he had something to prove.

Afterwards, Leake commented, “You always like pitching with a lead. Sometimes it makes you let down a little bit, but I made sure I wasn’t going to do that tonight.”

Feeling that there is NO CHOICE – that you HAVE to come through – can, in some cases, prove to spur an athlete on to success.  Some years ago as a college player at La Salle, San Antonio Spurs' Rasual Butler sank two free throws at the end of a game to secure the win.  Afterwards, I asked him what helped him hit both shots with all the pressure on.  “I HAD to make them both,” he told me. “Missing just wasn’t an option.”

A similar sentiment was expressed by Giants quarterback Eli Manning when he led his team to the championship in Super Bowl 42 in 2008, to beat the heavily favored New England Patriots, who came into the game with a perfect record that season.

With just 2:42 left in the game, the Patriots had the lead, 14-10, and the Giants had the ball on the Patriots 17 yard line. Manning’s gutsy play, including avoiding being sacked several times as he led the team down the field, and a crucial third-and-5 on the Giants 44-yard-line where Manning connected with David Tyree, who caught the ball of his helmet, kept the  Giants in the game.  Four plays later, with just 35 seconds remaining, Manning threw to Plaxico Burress for the win.

Afterwards, Manning commented that knowing he HAD to go for broke – that being down four meant that settling for a field goal was not an option – made it easier for him to do what had to be done.

                                                   
With that, Manning became only the second quarterback in NFL history to throw two fourth quarter touchdowns to come from behind and secure the victory.

And more recently, the 2011 Masters offered a study in contrasts. With a 4-stroke lead going into the final day, 21-year-old Rory McIlroy looked to be the second youngest player to win the event (after Tiger Woods), but was unable to hold his nerves in check and had a disastrous final round. Aussie Adam Scott, 30, was in the lead, and fellow Aussie, Jason Day, 23, birdied on the 17th and 18th holes to finish up 12-under, when South African Charl Schwarzel, 24, stepped up to the 18th tee.

"With Jason and Adam making so many birdies, I knew I needed to do something,” Schwartzel noted afterwards. “I said to myself, ‘IT'S NOW OR NEVER!!’”

Schwarzel hit the ball down the middle of the fairway, hit his approach shot to within 15 feet of the hole, and then one-putted in for the win (four birdies on the four final holes).

To be sure, not everyone will respond similarly to this kind of pressure, but for some athletes, knowing that they HAVE to step up – and telling themselves that nothing else is acceptable – gets the job done.

ARE YOU THIS GUY ... THE PLAYER WHO IS AFRAID OF BEING LET GO??

Jeff is in his first year playing basketball professionally. Recently his coach told him he had to increase his rebounding numbers, and then another player was brought in and Jeff's minutes were cut in half.  Now Jeff is fearful that he may be cut from the team, and he contacted me.

Jeff's numbers (points and rebounds both) were strong in pre-season but fell once the season started. When the coach said something he started to feel pressure on him. Then when he saw his role being switched up he started feeling angry.

The anger became harder to shake off and he found himself starting to feel resentful and resistant to the coach's words... and his production fell even more.

"Now it's like if I miss a shot - or if a guy gets a rebound that I should have gotten, I get on myself, and with each successive mistake or missed opportunity I get myself in deeper and deeper. I start to feel depressed and sometimes I kind of shut down."

I told Jeff that it sounded like after his strong start it probably felt like he was having the rug pulled out from under him.  Especially being alone and halfway across the world, his reaction was understandable - but NOT helpful! 

The first thing I told Jeff was to think of himself as if in a giant wave that was tossing him here and there, but to remember that after a wave crests it subsides, and eventually this wave in his career would subside and things would calm down.

Then I asked him to tell me more about what happened in the games. Jeff told me that when he missed a shot or a rebound, one of the things he would do was to think about how to tweak his execution next time (for example, to extend his arm more on a hook shot). I told him that the more he could direct his thoughts in that way and NOT take the more negative path of beating himself up the more likely he was to stay competitive and keep his head in the game.

One of the things that would help Jeff hold onto a competitive mindset was to tranform the anger he was feeling toward himself when making mistakes to an aggressive attitude that would allow him to utilize the self-corrections he was giving himself in a way to stay energized and a fighter.  

We also explored how he could use relaxation techniques to clear his mind as if hitting a "re-set" button that would delete all the negative chatter going through his mind.  This can be a CRITICAL part of changing your game!!!

When Jeff told me about some of his previous games, one of the things that came out was that his play in those games had felt effortless.  I told him that this was the ideal situation, one which was hard to come by when he was desparate and trying to force things to happen.  I told him, if he could get all the chatter out of his head, it would be like opening the door to a room inside which his competitive self was locked up. By removing from his thoughts all the stuff he though he had to be doing, it opened up the space for all the things he was capable of doing.

In the end, the less you are trying to make things happen and the more you can let your game come to you, the more likely you will be playing at your highest level. That is why "getting your head right" is an essential early step in the process.

WHEN YOU ABSOLUTELY MUST STEP UP YOUR CONFIDENCE: Part 1

William is a volleyball player who had a very successful college career and is now beginning the next chapter as a professional player with a European club. William had read my blog entry about Simon, a basketball player also just starting his pro career.*** 
With his own season just getting underway, William contacted me. This is what he had to say:

I think I am in a similar situation as Simon. Since arriving here I've felt less and less confident with my attacking and it's something I struggle with every practice. For example, whenever I am given a set I have a sudden uncertainty in myself to put the ball away on the other side of the net. I have found myself making more errors, hitting the ball into the net or several feet out of bounds.

It's a very strange feeling that comes over me as soon as I jump and leave the ground to attack the ball. A million things rush through my head at once, and the more times throughout practice or in a match that I fail at attacking, the less confident I get, until I've dug myself in such a deep hole that I make mistake after mistake. I've read many articles on mental toughness, but it always feels useless once I'm actually in the moment right before I attack the ball.

You said that a million things rush through your head. Can you describe one or two of them?

I'll tell myself to contact the ball high, swing deep, I'm looking at where the block is, trying to find the holes in it to hit through, telling myself to just put the ball in, be aggressive and swing away, don't make a mistake.

These are all good self-instructions.  But for you it becomes a problem.

There are a lot of important things that a hitter needs to practice in order to be proficient. But all of those things seem to be a distraction at this point.

If I think back to some of my earlier days in college, I don't remember ever thinking of those things. I just played and I was successful. Now I'm just worrying about all those factors. I think I am afraid to fail and be taken out of the game.  I may tell myself I'm not worried and tell others that I'm nor worried, but maybe that is the case right now.

What things are different now that might be causing this situation?

Well now that I am playing at a higher level I am putting more pressure on myself.  And I might be trying to earn the approval of my new teammates and coaches by succeeding in my position.

Didn't you put pressure on yourself in college?

That's the thing. I definitely did. If anything I should place less pressure on myself now. In college I had my best friends, my girlfriend, lots of school buddies, and my family all watching my matches. Now that I am in Europe none of them are watching or knowing how I am doing other that what I tell them.  Maybe I just had more fun back then, and I didn't get stressed when I failed. Or maybe I didn't feel as judged by my peers at school.

Unlike college, your new teammates are not guys you know well, and this may account for some of the pressure. Maybe you feel a greater need to prove your value as a teammate to them than to your college teammates with whom you had already formed strong friendships.  

Yes, I am sure that is a big part of it.

Tell me, what was it that kept you from getting stressed when you missed shots or had mistakes in college?

I had supportive coaches who were ok with mistakes, as long as the mistakes were aggressive and they felt we acknowledged how to correct them. And some of my teammates were my best friends. I knew that no matter what mistakes I may have made, they still had my back.

The thing that comes through in your comments is the fear of making mistakes that you are now feeling so strongly.

Yes, and with that so prominent in my mind, my focus on the moment and trust in myself is quite limited. I guess I am really afraid of losing my starting position because of the mistakes I make.  I guess that is at the heart of it all.

Exactly. Earlier you said that when you felt yourself flooded with thoughts in matches you tell yourself to contact the ball high, swing deep, look where the block is, find the holes, put the ball in, be aggressive, swing away, don't make a mistake.
It is that last thing - DON'T MAKE A MISTAKE - that gets in the way of effectively using the other good instructions you give yourself, no?

Yeah. I think it overshadows everything. 

So let's keep in mind that as you mentioned, in college you didn't stress out after making mistakes because the support of your teammates and coaches made it fun. I think that is a big part of what makes it different for you now.  Except for perhaps roller coasters it is literally not possible to experience FEAR and FUN at the same time. One will always cancel the other one out.

Yeah, there is truth in that absolutely.

When it comes to this contest between FEAR and FUN, tell me how you would complete the following sentence:
"I may make a mistake (like hitting the ball into the net or out of bounds), but ___________ ."

" ... but I'm still here to have fun" ?

I see you put a question mark at the end, which prompts me to ask, when you hear yourself say "I may make a mistake but I'm still here to have fun," how much conviction to you hear or feel in your words (in a percentage from 0% to 100% conviction). The more conviction, the greater the impact of telling yourself this.

I guess about 85%. I want to have fun but I also want to succeed career-wise.

I ask this because the greater your conviction the more likely it is to help you shift your mindset away from the fear it is focusing on at the moment.

Click here for Part 2


***   "What Are You Looking At?"