The Waiter and the
Unpaid Bill
Many a coach will be
heard to say “We learn more from our losses than from our wins.” True, from a psychological point of view
there is SOME validity to this statement … though I often wonder why you never
hear them say anything like this after a win!
(If it is true , wouldn’t that make the worst teams in the conference
the smartest???) But understanding why it might be true UNDER CERTAIN
CONDITIONS can provide some helpful insights to both coach and athlete alike.
How we deal with the
frustration of a bad game
Consider that, after
all, the goal in any competition is to win. Thus, when we win we have
accomplished our goal and the effort we put in is then relegated to the record
books. After a win we are delighted and we sleep like a baby (or party like an
idiot!). On the other hand, when we lose, we failed to accomplish our goal –
and so the matter may continue to bother us.
As human beings, when
we are frustrated, we are hard-wired to seek a resolution to this frustration –
some way to eliminate it. (How many coaches have yelled at their players after
a loss as a way of dealing with their own frustration? One coach I know yelled
at his guys for 45 minutes after a loss … though you know sure as hell that
they tuned him out after about two minutes!!!)
Saying that we learn more from our losses is one way to deal with the
frustration of the moment – but the key to SUCCESS is to actually follow up and do this in a systematic way.
So the
loss creates a need in us that doesn't exist after a win. And that "need" exists until the goal is achieved, and then (and pretty much ONLY then) we put it out of our mind. The real question, however, is what follow-up steps will be employed to insure ACTUAL learning.
What happens when
we don’t achieve an important goal?
Back in the 1920s, a
professor named Kurt Lewin, who taught psychology in Berlin, would gather with
some students
in a café after class where they would continue to discuss the
topic of the day’s lecture. The waiter
would take everyone’s order… and return sometime later for the next round,
until finally he would come to take the final payment. The group noticed that
at any point the waiter knew (without the benefit of a calculator) exactly what
the tab was… but once the bill had been paid he could no longer recall the
amount even a short time later. They concluded, and later demonstrated in a
series of experiments, that mentally we hold on to matters as long they
represent an unfulfilled goal (such as paying the tab or winning the game) but
once the goal has been met we put the matter behind us and move on.
A good example is
that of Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps, who won six gold medals in the 2004
Athens Olympics, but could only think about the two events in which he HADN’T
won the gold, and THAT is what motivated him to train so hard for the next
Olympics four years later. LeBron James and the 2011-12 MiamiHeat are another
good example, after the unfulfilled hopes they had put into the previous
season, when they lost to Dallas.
Lewin referred to
this as being in a state of tension (with respect to a still “active” goal that
has not been achieved) – and this tension exists until the goal is achieved.
A player or coach who has lost is like the waiter who has not yet been paid... the matter is still very much in his mind. A good example is Olympic swimmer, who won six gold medals in the 2004 Athens Olympics, but could only think about the two events in which he HADN'T won gold!
And so – coming back
to the famous (or infamous) coaching quote about learning more from our losses
than our wins, the question is how do we use the so-called tension that results
from the loss in the most effective and productive manner?
Doing the actual
work of learning from our losses
It can help an athlete or team to figure out the obstacles that prevented them from playing
to the fullest extent of their ability.
After all, if a team played the very best of which they were capable and
still lost – to a stronger team – what would there be exactly to
learn? But that is rarely the case. Did
the team lose focus at some point – or rush shots out of desperation – or miss
defensive assignments due to being flustered?
Did they fail to maintain trust in one another? Or work at cross
purposes by letting egos get in the way? Did an athlete get down on himself and mentally give up or lose the
grit and determination to go hard in the final minutes and seconds?
So what should we learn after a loss? The athlete or team
who views a lost game as indication of talents that need to be further
developed will emerge with greater toughness, increased resilience, and an
improved quality of performance. After the 2012 NBA Finals, LeBron said that it
was by embracing the pain of the previous year’s Finals that brought him to the
Championship moment; that he “owned” how it felt to fail. Kevin Durant noted when
the Thunder, too, were struggling some years back, “We weren’t losing – we were
learning (what it takes) to win.”
And finally (as Professor Lewin would say) when we DO
achieve success, we can use our victories to re-set the bar ever higher in our
quest for competitive excellence.
In the end, the champions aren’t the ones who make the
fewest mistakes but the ones who are best at letting go of the mistakes the
quickest when they do make them. When a player misses a shot – for example a lay-up
– and continues to focus on it as he heads downcourt on defense – he risks the
possibility of missing his defensive assignment and allowing his opponent to
score – and then becoming further
taken out of his game as he goes back on
offense. (A made basket is quickly forgotten, not so a missed one.) Such a player would do well to develop
strategies to quickly and effectively let go of the missed shot by mentally
overriding the built-in tendency to hold on to the moment. When we accept adversity (such as the
frustration of a loss) as an opportunity to explore how we need to grow as a
player or a team – we are taking an important step in the direction of joining
the ranks of those very champions.
© 2016 Dr. Mitch
Smith
