WHEN YOU ABSOLUTELY MUST STEP UP YOUR CONFIDENCE: Part 2

William, the first year professional volleyball player (from Part 1 of this post) wanted to shift his mindset from one of FEAR (of making a mistake) to one of FUN, which would allow him to be more aggressive and likely more successful in his game.  He came up with the thought "I may make a mistake (like hitting the ball into the net or out of bounds) but I'm still here to have fun."

I shared with him that the greater his conviction in saying this sentence to himself the more likely it would be to help him shift his mindset.

"I do think that having fun is the first thought that comes to mind because I have always told myself it's just a game so have fun. But now volleyball has become more than a game to me, it is my job - my life. So if I can convince myself of the truth of that phrase before each play or before I serve, I will give myself less to fear and be happier regardless of the result?

Yes ... but it's not really so much IF you can convince yourself of the truth of that or any particular phrase as much as trying to figure out what phrase you hear yourself saying to complete that sentence when you basically clear your mind - rather than trying to "force" any particular ending.

Still, that is the first thought that came to mind for you, so it may not be so much you have to convince yourself as much as let yourself identify with this idea.

If you are looking to be playing volleyball professionally for some years, then if you are not having fun it will be a rather stressful journey! Do you think you can see yourself having fun in a way that will remove a good part of the pressure yet still focus on the demands of this career path?

If I am not successful then it will be a struggle.

It is natural to equate success with fun. In general when we are not good at something it is not fun for us and we lose interest. That being said, I would challenge you to re-think what success means for you at this point in time.

I guess I've indentified success in volleyball with winning. I've always had the "go-to" guy role on my high school and college teams. And I've proven effective as that person in the past. So when I'm not leading the team in points I feel as though I have let both myself and my team down.

I can certainly understand that.  Let's just widen the picture a bit. Can you think of some additional aspect of success that isn't tied to whether you win or lose.  After all, not even the best teams win ALL the time. That doesn't necessarily make them "losers" the other times (except in the technical sense of having lost that particular match).

Well, I feel I have succeeded when I have peace of mind in knowing I performed to the best that I am capable of. If I am contenct with the output of my performance on the court that day, then (and probably only then) was it a success.

So you could have a match where you gave the best you had and even if your team lost you could consider it a personal success.

In that respect yes.

And do you generally have a good feel after each match if you performed to the best or your ability?

I do.

So returning to what we were saying about "I may make a mistake but I am here to have fun," don't you think that if you focus on giving your best effort as ONE important measure of success then you can tie that with having fun?

Yes, I could definitely do that.

And perhaps you could sometimes just say to yourself "I may make a mistake but I am here to give my best effort, which will include some mistakes."

That being said, you could also add as a goal GIVING YOUR BEST EFFORT TO TRUST YOURSELF more than you are doing at the moment, because now you are second guessing yourself or otherwise driven by fear of making a mistake. ***

With this in mind, I have two specific action steps to suggest to you. The first is to track after each match you well you are doing in giving your best effort and trusting yourself, and giving yourself a score from 1-100 on each of those, and also writing 1-2 sentences describing what you did or didn't do that you based this score on. 

The second thing is to find a way in practices to work on being able to trust yourself more, at the same time that you are woking on the technical parts of your game. In other words, having a MENTAL training goal as well as the PHYSICAL goals your have for practice.

If you follow through on these ideas I believe you will start to see a difference in your situation.

Thanks!! I am positive that I can start to feel less pressure. This has been very insightful for me and I really appreciate it.

*** (See "When the Pressure in On, Which Will Triumph: Fear or Trust?" http://mitchsmithmentalcoach.blogspot.com/2015/09/when-pressure-is-on-which-will-triumph.html)