I Should … I Must … I Gotta

 

I Should … I Must … I Gotta 

What do you keep score of when you’re keeping score?

 David, a basketball player I was working with, was frustrated that he was unable to play in competition the way he knew he could. As his team’s starting center, he was getting plenty of playing time, but he was going through a stretch where he was playing well below his potential. In particular, whenever he would miss a shot, he would stress about it – typically saying to himself something like “I SHOULD have had that shot.” This would lead to the next thought: “I MUST make the next shot.”  This was especially the case when it came to missed dunks and the thought that he had missed the one shot that was a sure thing –  the one with the most dramatic flair attached to it – and missed it in front of a LOT of people!!

 

“I’m 7'1"!” he thought to himself.  “I’m SUPPOSED to make that shot.  “How embarrassing! What will people think??!!” 

 

  When he DID make a shot, he was mostly felt RELIEF for not having missed. The idea of missing a shot weighed more heavily on him than the satisfaction of a shot he made.

 

  When we feel we MUST do something (and we consider failure as something terrible) we create our own pressure in that situation. Despite the fact that David had a great deal of ability, he had created a situation in his own mind where anything short of perfect meant he was a failure.

 

So I said to him… Try finishing the following sentence:

 

“I MUST ________________” 

 

(like… “I MUST dunk the ball to show everyone I am a great player)

 

Now… take notice of how you FEEL when you say this to sentence to yourself. You will probably notice that in some parts of your body your muscled start to tighten up, like in your arms or your shoulders or your chest).  The stress you create for yourself MENTALLY gets converted to PHYSICAL stress – and that gets in the way of your performance.

 

  Now try saying that same sentence to yourself, but change the word SHOULD for the word “CAN”….

 

“I CAN ________________” …

 

And once again, notice how your body feels when you say THIS sentence. For most athletes, changing “I MUST…” to “I CAN…” is likely to produce feelings of greater muscular relaxation and positive energy.

What do YOU notice?

   David felt that a contributing factor in his situation was that he was very competitive, and if he didn’t have a good game he felt like he had failed to play to his potential.   So I issued Jeremy the following challenge: I asked him to think about which player on his team seemed to have the most fun in practice and games.  I challenged him to compete with that player in the task of having fun, and after a week to report back to me as to how he was doing. At least in part, the focus was removed from finishing shots to having fun.  THE RESULTS: JEREMY STARTED TO MAKE MORE OF HIS SHOTS.

 

*****  

 

   Another basketball player, Carl, was a reserve post player who didn’t get much playing time. This was, of course, very frustrating, and as often happens in such cases, started to have an impact on Carl’s level of motivation. It was hard for Carl to put forth his best effort in practice when it seemed like nothing he did made any difference.

 

   It was as if Carl was saying to himself, “I SHOULD be playing more; I MUST get into games.” Not actually getting to play, Carl was become more and more frustrated, and it showed.

                                                                                                        

   To Carl I issued the following challenge: to think about which player on his team hustled the most in practice, and to set for himself the goal of reaching at least 90% of the hustle level shown by that teammate – and to rate himself on this at the end of every practice.

 

   While there was no change in Carl’s minutes, and this continued to frustrate him – his motivation level improved, and he brought more intensity to practice. This happened because Carl shifted his focus from something he couldn’t control but tied his hopes to (“I MUST get playing time”) to something over which he had complete control (giving total commitment in practice) and which – if he thought about it enough – DID matter (“I am giving 100% and can feel proud of that – I’m not a slacker”). And even though Carl’s minutes didn’t improve much (there are a number of reasons why this might have been the case – not all of them necessarily having to do with Carl directly), his attitude about his situation did improve. THE RESULT: CARL STARTED ENJOYING PRACTICE AGAIN.

 

   David had the talent to be a big-time player, but his stress was getting in the way of playing his best. Carl was losing his motivation because of his frustrations with not getting playing time.  In both cases, a shift in focus and mindset – coupled with a challenge which asked them to keep score on some aspect of their play which was different from what they usually focused on – was helpful in altering their situation for the better.

 

   IN BOTH CASES, the athletes were able to step up their game when they learned to stop worrying so much about things that were outside of their control by shifting their focus to other matters over which they COULD exercise control. Once they did, they addressed themselves to mastering THOSE areas, which left them feeling MORE EMPOWERED – and ultimately MORE CONFIDENT in their ability to play at their highest level of proficiency – and to have a lot more FUN in the process!!

DON'T PLAY HALF-WAY

Previously I discussed the situation of an athlete who struggled with indecisiveness ("How decisive are you?").

Recently the Rick Mahorn Big Man Camp (www.bigman.camp) began offering online coaching. Coach George Galiotos and I worked with Joe, a 7-foot high school post player, as we viewed a video clip of a past game which he had sent us. In one possession George pointed out where in one defensive play, Joe overhelped a teammate which resulted in weakening the overall defense of his team. George explained, "You have to either go all the way to trap or stay with your player. By not committing either way you allowed the player you were defending  get an easy pass."

Then I asked Joe if this represented something he often experienced: a sense of indecision or hesitation in games - and he said that this was an issue for him.

I told him that most likely the source was one of two factors - or possibly a combination of both - a) a lack of experience or b) fear of making a mistake.

Joe quickly said it was the latter, and added, "I think too much about the crowd. Because I am the tallest guy out there everybody expects a great performance out of me. I've been trying to overcome this."

Like any of us, Joe is to be commended for his attempts to correct a fault or shortcoming.  In these circumstances, a sport psychologist can sometimes be useful in providing strategies or techniques to harness that intent and make it a bit more focused. 

I gave Joe a way to look at it which is designed to give him such a handle.  I pointed out that while the crowd was a source of anxiety for him in those moments, playing in front of a crowd is also part of the thrill.  The trick for Joe is to be aware of the difference between the two and notice when he is crossing the line from crowd=thrill to crowd=anxiety.

I reminded Joe that when he plays pick-up games and makes a mistake it doesn't matter, he is just having fun. When he would be in a game and realize that he catches himself worrying about what the crowd might think about him to focus instead on what it is about playing that makes it fun (just like in the pick-up games).

As a rule a you cannot experience anxiety and have fun at the same moment.  This is known in psychology as reciprocal inhibition, meaning that two different responses to a situation are mutually incompatible. As we all know from weight training, two opposing muscles (e.g., biceps and triceps) can't contract at the same time. This means that players that are having fun are experiencing little thought about things like what other people might expect from them.  

For Joe, this would mean that next time he finds himself with two different options at a given moment, he can quickly and fully commit to one, and know that if it plays out well that will be to his credit, and if it proves to be a mistaken choice, then he can let it go and play on.  

MORE ON SPORTS ANXIETY: SOME GOOD NEWS ABOUT PRE-GAME JITTERS

It isn't just younger athletes who experience a dreaded attack of nerves just before a big competition.

An international coach shared with me recently, "In my experience I have found that older athletes encounter the same emotions as younger athletes.
"This season we had a 25-year-old on the team would frequently vomit before games, or even excuse himself during a game to vomit. He is a very competitive athlete who even in practice plays with maximum intensity. He didn't like to lose even a single shooting competition. In one game he went up against another player who had bested him the previous season.  He was very nervous. vomiting at half-time, and remained quite upset for several days afterward. I talked to him and confirmed my trust in him, telling him he shouldn't feel bad because this could happen to any player.
In the rematch later this season he played quite well and we won."

As Josh Peter noted in USA Today:

"Bill Russell, the Hall-of-Fame center for the Boston Celtics, was known for throwing up before many of the team's biggest games. In fact, legendary coach Red Auerbach apparently considered it a form of good luck.

…Before one of the Celtics' playoff games, Auerbach hadn't heard Russell throw up, so the coach supposedly ordered the team off the court during warm-ups and wouldn't let them back until Russell threw up.  Russell delivered, so to speak, and the Celtics returned to the floor and won the game.

Celtics teammate and fellow Hall-of-Famer John Havlicek once said of Russell's throwing up, 'It's a welcome sound, because it means he's keyed up for the game and around the locker room we grin and say, 'Man, we're going to be all right tonight.' " (Olympic Skier) "Mikaela Shiffrin is in good company when it comes to throwing up during competition," February 15, 2018

I once worked with an elite runner who was competing at the World University Games. She, too, talked about bouts of nerves she would experience before competitions. I suggested she take a different view of this by noting that it was a reminder that all her hard work and dedication had brought her to the highest levels of competition in her sport - and that she probably wouldn't be so nervous if it were a race of lesser consequence. I also suggested that once the gun went off and she left the blocks the race would take over and she would probably forget about her nerves.

Soccer great Lionel Messi, another athlete known for vomiting before or during matches, has commented, "It's no big deal."  It isn't nerves - or even the resultant vomiting - that is the problem.  It is what the athlete tells him or herself about the nerves that can potentially present an obstacle. When an athlete is able to accept that the nerves, even if unpleasant, are a recurring experience but that is all (and not any indication of a poor performance to be anticipated), he or she will proceed to put their talents to good work.  And so it was with the 25-year-old basketball player, the elite runner or the great Bill Russell. 

THE CRIPPLING EFFECT OF PRESSURE IN SPORTS

The first-ever recipient of the prestigious Pulitzer Prize for news reporting was a man by the name of Herbert Bayard Swope (1882-1958). Swope, who reportedly coined the term "The Cold War," famously said, "I can't give you a sure-fire formula for success, but I can give you a formula for failure: try to please everybody all the time."

Anyone with even a casual knowledge of sports knows that attempting to meet the expectations of others is a dead-end. Yet the sports world is full of those harboring such a need. And nowhere can the consequences of this be more troubling or harmful than among high school and college athletes.

The anxiety caused by such concerns is not only bound to suppress the performance level of even the most gifted athlete, it can sometimes be crippling.  

This proved to be the case for one highly-acclaimed Division 1 basketball coach whose school has sent players to the NBA. "Two of our key starters have been virtually sidelined this season due to fears of disappointing their parents.  One is the son of parents highly accomplished in the medical field. Another was our conference's leading 3-point shooter last year. These kids feel like they are under the microscope and are simply unable to perform."

Such players come to college with strong pedigrees, like having been honored as their state's Mr. Basketball.  They arrive on campus with a portfolio of press clippings, and the need to live up to all the hype. As if that weren't enough, the transition from high school to college ball brings additional challenges. 

The more rigorous level of college play presents one challenge, Then there is the fact that while such players shined in their high school programs, the stronger the program they are joining, the more likely that nearly every other player on the squad was a big-time star in his own high school program as well. 

Add to this the higher level of academic demands, the need to adapt to a whole new culture of campus life, and the challenge that comes with being away from home for the very first time, and the pressure can increase exponentially.

The fears such an athlete might harbor of not living up to the expectations of his parents can often stem from imagining grandiose expectations that far outstrip the reality of the situation. 

But the coach went on to explain how he has observed a change in the situation over time. "20 years ago I would say that when a player struggled the parents felt let down or disappointed because they felt for their son and his own pain at not reaching his potential.  Today parents are more likely to be let down not because of their child's dreams but because of their own. They are not feeling someone else's let-down but theirs. They see their son as positioning for a big pay-day in the NBA, or the glory of being in the spotlight. We have had parents who were hell-bent on their son getting to the NBA. If their son didn't score enough points in a game the would tell him, 'How are you going to impress the scouts with a game like tonight?' The athlete becomes consumed by his personal stats."

Few players receive support to help them cope with these pressures. If anything they mistakenly think that once they have a better performance the problems will go away. 

As one coach put it, "It's like riding the Cyclone at Coney Island (Amusement Park). You go up high - and you can see all of Brooklyn and all the way to the Verrazzano Bridge. But as high as you go you always go down again - so it's never enough.  And at the highest levels you see teams circulate players. They are let go at one school and go on to another, but they bring their baggage with them."

In the end, many players are likely to become collateral damage in top-level programs.  There are only a handful of coaches who are committed to working with their players and getting them proper help to work through these difficulties.

As one quote has it, "If you find yourself constantly trying to prove your worth to someone, you have lost sight of your value." To which one coach added, "We define winning in a very different way."

To read more about pressure in sports and effective ways to deal with it, contact  MitchSmithMentalCoach@gmail.com

KEEPING PERSPECTIVE IN SPORT AND IN LIFE

Few of us live our lives free of adversity, challenges and disappointments. Likewise, few athletes compete without adversity, challenges and disappointments.  Two thousand years ago, a philosopher and sports enthusiast named Philo who lived in Alexandria Egypt, wrote the following words: "It rarely happens that God allows a man to run life's race from start to finish without stumbling or falling, or to escape fouls by rushing past them with a sudden and violent burst of speed."

A hallmark of champions is their ability to face those challenges and disappointments in such a way that they are able to rebound from them and resume a spirit marked by energetic enthusiasm and a competitive attitude.

The following parable offers an insight into that wisdom:

   
   IN THE COURT OF KING SOLOMON there served a loyal officer named Joseph, who took upon himself any task that was required to minister to his master.  Often he could be heard bragging to others, "There is no assignment the king could ask of me that I would be unable to fulfill."

   When word of this reached the king, he thought to put the braggart Joseph to the test.  He decided to ask Joseph to fetch him an item that did not actually exist!

   Summoning Joseph to the royal chambers, King Solomon said to him: "There is a ring that I have had my heart set on owning for some time.  It is a special ring that can make a sad person happy, and yet make a happy person sad. I want you to find this ring and bring it back to me within the next six months."

   Joseph accepted his assignment eagerly.  He set out first to the camel traders, certain that in their journeys across the deserts one of them would surely have come across such a ring.  But alas, none of them had knowledge of such a treasure. So he turned to the seafarers, hoping in their voyages to far off lands, one of them might have knowlege of this fantastic treasure.  But none of them were of any help to him either. 

   SO JOSEPH DECIDED that he would have to go off in search of this special ring himself.  He traveled from country to country, from bazaar to bazaar, but nowhere was he able to find the ring he had been asked to locate.  Nevertheless, the knowledge that his king depended on him to fulfill this mission kept him devoted to the task.

   Week followed week and month followed month, and after Joseph's searches brought him no closer to success, he arrived at yet another country, yet another bazaar, and yet another jeweler's stall.  He was greeted by a young lad, and asked him, as he had so many times before, if he knew perhaps of a ring such as the one he had been assigned to bring back. Hoping against hope that the boy might offer encouraging words, the youngster knew of no such ring. Deeply discouraged by the news and with the six months coming to a rapid close, Joseph turned to leave the shop when the boy's grandfather, who had overheard the conversation, emerged from the back and said, "I know the ring you seek that has the power to make a sad man happy, and to make a happy man sad. Wait here and I shall produce it for you."

   AS JOSEPH WAITED with great anticipation, the old man went into the back room of his shop, took a simple gold band, and inscribed something on the inside of the ring. This he then brought it out to Joseph. 

   Joseph looked at the ring he now held, smiled, and said, "Yes this is certainly the ring I have been looking for!"

   Upon his return to Jerusalem, Joseph proceeded to the palace. When King Solomon asked Joseph to report on the success of his mission, imagine his shock when Joseph replied that he had, indeed, located the ring as requested of him.

   He handed the prized treasure to the king. As Solomon examined it, an expression of amazement came over his face, for he was reminded that both his greatest accomplishments and his deepest sorrows were but fleeting occurrences.  

   "Yes," said Solomon, "this is truly a ring that has the power to make a sad man happy and a happy man sad." For what was written on the rings were the words THIS, TOO, SHALL PASS.

   The king put the ring on, and wore it from that day forward, And every time he felt sad or depressed, he would look at his ring, whereupon his mood would change and good cheer would come to him.

PRAISE FOR THE RICK MAHORN BIG MAN CAMP

"Most young big men are rather lacking when it comes to proper footwork and balance.
Every player can look great in their own workout videos, but when we see them in actual

games you can see how easily they are pushed around and not properly balanced to make winning moves.  The Rick Mahorn Big Man Camp absolutely goes about it the right way - drilling you repeatedly in games and helping  you learn exactly what you need to know to be an impact player. Unless you are receiving continual feedback under these circumstances and being mentored to put that feedback to use, you are wasting your efforts. If you are serious about your career, the Rick Mahorn Camp is probably one of the best investments you can make!"
     -- Ettore Messina, San Antonio Spurs 
Assistant Coach, Four-time EuroLeague Champion

"I highly recommend the Rick Mahorn Big Man Camp if you want to take your game to the next level. You can expect great attention to detail from experienced coaches and invaluable tips on when and how to use the moves you will learn."
     -- Paul Miller, Star Player at Wichita State and Polish Club Slask Wroclaw, Wichita State 
         University Sports Hall of Fame Inductee

"As a sport psychologist and teacher, Mitch Smith is passionately committed to helping athletes capitalize on their talents.  He has worked with several players in our basketball program. Their success can be traced, in part, to the direction and inspiration he has provided. He is committed to excellence and his integrity is the foundation of all that he does."
     -- Bob McKillop, Head Men's Basketball Coach, Davidson College, 2008 NCAA Coach of the Year, 2013 USA Head Men's Basketball Coach, World University Games

COACHES AND RESILIENCE

These days one finds the term "resilience" being mentioned a good deal. For year, however, British educator Sir Ken Robinson and others have been stressing the importance of this quality, particularly for the youth. (See an earlier article addressing this topic here.)

In a  TED Talk, joked that just as a child who showed up to the doctor with some ailment, like ADHD, that was not yet in fashion (so he might be considered "mentally ill") at one point observers were not yet acknowledging the concept of resilience, until the topic recently caught on and took off!

Resilience can be defined as "the capacity that a person or group has to recover from adversity in order to continue progress toward some future goal." Sometimes difficult circumstances or traumatic events can facilitate the development of inner resources that were latent and of which the individual was unaware. 

My first opportunity as head coach of a professional club came when I was called upon to replace a colleague. Our team was in last place, having lost far more games than it had won. The budget did not allow for signing any new players, so the goal was to improve on what he had at the moment. 

As a young coach full of dreams, ideas and energy, I got to work. We made some progress but still continued to lose more often than win.   One day, after a loss, I spent an entire day working up several strategies and preparing my speech to the team the next day. I would show them some game film highlighting our mistakes, help them understand what we had to do, which I was sure would motivate them. I was certain that my reasoned logic would change the way they played.

The next day, I woke up highly motivated and arrived to the gym much earlier than usual to choose the proper set-up for my speech and work through in my mind the exact scenario and how I would present my ideas.  

As players arrived I scanned their faces in an attempt to ascertain their mood. As I did so, I realized what I was NOT seeing: Determination, Confidence, Energy, Calm.  

I was thinking my plan made sense; I had the feeling the players were tired of words and speeches. And I tried to put myself in their shoes, What would I need if I were a player? Would being told what I was bad at help me to get better? Was I being part of the solution?

Meanwhile, the players were ready to go; we all met in the middle of the court to kick off practice, with all those thoughts still running through my mind as I was still trying to decide how I should proceed. I took in their faces, one after another. They seemed to reflect that passive style "Let's see what speech the new coach gives us."  

I understood that this wasn't going to get me anywhere. So I explained the plan for the day's practice and got the first drill going. A clear expression of relief came across their faces. 

Putting them to work changed the feeling in the group.  I realized that the coach's attitude makes the difference in the team's chances to bounce back. Groups are - or become - more resilient to the extent that the members become more resilient. And that starts with the coach. 

The way to get it is always to show up ready to work. That's the best way to help the players improve. 

The coach strengthens his standing with the players not with what he says but with what he does. While facing adversity, the message to be sent is: Let's keep moving forward. Let's keep improving.  Good results will come.

To me, this is what resilience is. And it starts with the coach.