My last post focused on the fears we all experience in life and on the playing field. This time I am addressing the flip-side of life and sports. This article is based on a discussion I had with members of a high school soccer team preparing for their State Tournament semi-final game, following a perfect 31-0 season. The questions they raised prompted a piece I wrote and shared with them. I hope this is helpful to you as well!!
What is the best way to stay confident? How can I restore my confidence after making a mistake?
Question: If you were to suddenly have unlimited confidence, how do you think you would play differently than you typically do at present?
I have posed this question to dozens of athletes with whom I work. Take a minute to answer this question for yourself.
The answer I most often get is: "I would play more aggressively and not be so tentative."
From this we can infer two important qualities of confident players.
1) They are more likely to trust their instincts and not think too much about their game, and
2) They are not so worried about making mistakes, and more likely to accept such mistakes as an inevitable part of competing at a high level.
Years ago, after winning the U.S. Open Women's Tennis championship, Lindsay Davenport made the following comment:
"I didn't want to leave anything on the court. I might lose, but it would be by going all out - even if I made 60 unforced errors. I didn't want to be out there just getting the ball back in."
Her focus was on playing aggressively - on going all out, and not on whether or not she might make any mistakes in the process. If anything, she seemed to take into account that she WOULD make some mistakes, but that would just be a part of the aggressive way she had committed to wanting to play.
Many athletes feel confident WHEN THEY ARE PLAYING WELL. It is as if, when they see that things are going well, they say to themselves, "Hey, I am pretty good," or "I am playing quite well today."
The biggest problem with this way of looking at things is what happens when they make a mistake or two. Then they begin to doubt themselves ,which can easily lead to another mistake or being outplayed by their opponent. Before long, they are saying to themselves something like "I suck out here," or "I am not as good as that player."
There is a different kind of confidence, and that is the kind that comes not from the particular results of a given game or match, but from a feeling we have developed about ourselves and our abilities along the way - regardless of how we might be performing on any particular occasion.
Golfing great Greg Norman put it this way: "I know exactly what my skills are ... and I trust them. Knowledge and understanding of my game have brought me an inner confidence and perspective."
Athletes with inner or self-directed confidence will tend less to start doubting themselves when they do make a mistake or have a bad play. Anyone can stay positive when things are going their way, but these athletes are able to stay positive even when they make errors, and readily accept the fact that no athlete can play perfectly all the time.
Brad Faxon, known as one of the best pure putters in professional golf, was having a bad day. His partner for the round commented afterwards, "It's too bad you weren't putting well today," to which Faxon replied, "Oh, I was putting well today; they just weren't going in."
Faxon knew he was playing his game, and that sometimes even then things don't go your way. This is a great example of confidence as the capacity to believe in your abilities regardless of the outcome of the game.
What is the best way to stay confident? How can I restore my confidence after making a mistake?
Question: If you were to suddenly have unlimited confidence, how do you think you would play differently than you typically do at present?
I have posed this question to dozens of athletes with whom I work. Take a minute to answer this question for yourself.
From this we can infer two important qualities of confident players.
1) They are more likely to trust their instincts and not think too much about their game, and
2) They are not so worried about making mistakes, and more likely to accept such mistakes as an inevitable part of competing at a high level.
Years ago, after winning the U.S. Open Women's Tennis championship, Lindsay Davenport made the following comment:
"I didn't want to leave anything on the court. I might lose, but it would be by going all out - even if I made 60 unforced errors. I didn't want to be out there just getting the ball back in."
Her focus was on playing aggressively - on going all out, and not on whether or not she might make any mistakes in the process. If anything, she seemed to take into account that she WOULD make some mistakes, but that would just be a part of the aggressive way she had committed to wanting to play.
Many athletes feel confident WHEN THEY ARE PLAYING WELL. It is as if, when they see that things are going well, they say to themselves, "Hey, I am pretty good," or "I am playing quite well today."
The biggest problem with this way of looking at things is what happens when they make a mistake or two. Then they begin to doubt themselves ,which can easily lead to another mistake or being outplayed by their opponent. Before long, they are saying to themselves something like "I suck out here," or "I am not as good as that player."
There is a different kind of confidence, and that is the kind that comes not from the particular results of a given game or match, but from a feeling we have developed about ourselves and our abilities along the way - regardless of how we might be performing on any particular occasion.
Athletes with inner or self-directed confidence will tend less to start doubting themselves when they do make a mistake or have a bad play. Anyone can stay positive when things are going their way, but these athletes are able to stay positive even when they make errors, and readily accept the fact that no athlete can play perfectly all the time.
Faxon knew he was playing his game, and that sometimes even then things don't go your way. This is a great example of confidence as the capacity to believe in your abilities regardless of the outcome of the game.
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