There is no lack of pithy quotes on Facebook and Twitter offering athletes,
coaches, and the public in general life-altering advice in 25 words or
less. Recently I came across a post of the following
comment made by Bobby Knight:
While Bobby Knight is eminently more qualified that I am to comment on
this, I have two thoughts. The first is simply that I prefer quotes that
get amplified with examples – most of the quotes you find online seem meant to
sell you on some idea rather than invite you to consider WHY this makes sense.
The second – and more important – point I would make is this: At the HIGHEST levels of sport (think NBA championships, Novak Djokovic vs.
Andy Murray in tennis) the side making the fewest mistakes can, indeed, emerge
victorious. And sport is after all a competitive endeavor, with victory being the
goal.
But as a sport educator, I firmly believe that the path to victory –
starting with the athlete’s first steps – is essentially a growth process. Even
Djokovic and Kobe Bryant were once young competitors who learned through their
mistakes and were encouraged to grow from them.
So many athletes focus on how to AVOID mistakes rather than accept them
as part of the journey on which they have embarked.
The respected New York Times columnist David Brooks recently wrote that
when he asked college teachers to comment on how their students have changed
over the years, they usually tell him, “Today’s students are more accomplished
than past generations, but they are also more emotionally fragile.” ("Making Modern Toughness," New York Times, August 30, 2016)
“Once upon a time,” Brooks noted, “kids were raised in a tough environment.
But today, helicopter parents protect their children from setbacks and
hardship. They supervise every playground conflict, so kids never learn to
handle disputes or deal with pain.”
While the parenting of the past may have led some to develop the tough skin
of hardness, Brooks says: “Perhaps it’s time to rethink toughness or at least
detach it from hardness. Being emotionally resilient is not some defensive
posture. It’s not having some armor surrounding you so that nothing can hurt
you.
"The people we admire for being resilient are not hard; they are ardent.
They have a fervent commitment to some cause, some ideal or some relationship.
That higher yearning enables them to withstand setbacks, pain and betrayal.
"Such people are, as they say in the martial arts world, strong like water.
A blow might sink into them, and when it does they are profoundly affected by
it. But they can absorb the blow because it’s short term while their natural
shape is long term.
"There are moments when they feel swallowed up by fear. They feel and live
in the pain. But they work through it and their ardent yearning is still there,
and they return to an altered wholeness.
"In this way of thinking, grit, resilience and toughness are not traits that
people possess intrinsically. They are not tools you can possess independently
for the sake of themselves. They are means inspired by an end.”
In other words, grit, resilience and toughness are more readily accessed by
people who are motivated by a compelling belief, cause or passion. This belief
enables them to absorb the tough times without de-railing them from their
vision or end-goal.
Brooks offers the following examples: “John R. Lewis (the
African-American congressman and civil rights leader who marched with Dr.
Martin Luther King, Jr. in Selma, where he was subject to police beatings) may
not have been intrinsically tough, but he was tough IN THE NAME OF CIVIL RIGHTS.
Mother Teresa may not have been intrinsically steadfast, but she was steadfast IN
THE NAME OF GOD. The people around us may not be remorselessly gritty, but they
can be that when it comes to protecting their loved ones, WHEN IT COMES TO SOME
DREAM FOR THEIR FUTURE SELF.
People are much stronger than they think they are when in pursuit of their
telos, their purpose for living. As Nietzsche put it, “He who has a WHY to live
for can bear almost any HOW.”
As Brooks notes, the emotional fragility which college educators are
observing is not only caused by overprotective parents. It is often rooted in
our difficulties in finding our ultimate sense of purpose in life, or when we
haven’t yet been able to fully commit ourselves to certain causes or certain
people.
If you really want people to be tough, make them idealistic for some cause,
make them tender for some other person, make them committed to some (vision)
that puts today’s temporary pain in the context of a larger hope. People are
really tough only after they have taken a leap of faith for some truth or
mission or love. Once they’ve done that they can withstand a lot.
So to now return
to my original point, I believe that for athletes at ANY level short of Olympic
or elite professional ranks (maybe them too?) it is not the absence of mistakes
that should be sought, but rather the ability to find meaning and purpose in
the mistakes we make. Any coach who can help athletes do that is a great coach
in my book. Any athlete who is able to grow and benefit from his mistakes is,
in my opinion, on the path to success.
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