David, who is from Europe, is a senior power forward on his college basketball team. In his freshman and sophomore years he was playing major minutes, but in his third year the school brought in a new coach, who hasn't been playing David as much, which has been very frustrating. In addition, when he does get in, David doesn't get many touches of the ball on offense.
"I feel like I need to keep proving myself to my coach," David told me, "but even when I have great games it doesn't seem to make much difference as far as playing time."
Like most Europeans playing in the States, David always assumed that he would return to Europe and play professionally. Coming up, he had been a member of his country's junior national teams. But his lack of playing time and reduced role on the team now has him doubting his future possibilities - and even his desire to play.
"I just keep thinking that I should be playing better ... playing more. I just feel like the fans expect so much more from me. I expect more from myself. I should be playing like a future professional player. When I have a good game I get excited, but then I have a poor game and then I feel really down... and my emotional mindset keeps going up and down."
While David's situaion is indeed frustrating, it is important for him to keep the focus on the things over which HE has control. The number of minutes he gets or the role he is asked to play - those are things that his coach decides. Maybe these are based on good reasons ... and maybe not. The fact that David felt he has not been able to prove his value to the coach suggests that latter might be the case ... but there is not much value to David's pre-occupation with that. So I steered the conversation toward some of the things that were in HIS control.
For one, I asked him if he was having fun. (Just this week Super Bowl bound Carolina quarterback Cam Newton said that when his career is over he wants to be able to say he had fun.)
"On a scale of 1 - 10, what number best describes how much fun you were having in your last game?"
"3" he said, adding, "when I score, then it's fun.
Reminding David that basketball isn't ONLY about scoring, I said, "You can't always control if you are going to score. For example, let's say you play really strong defense, so that you keep your guy from scoring or wear him down trying to score off you. EFFORT and INTENSITY - those are among the things that you can control. And even if no one notices, YOU would know. Is that something that after the game you would feel satisfied about?"
"Yeah, I guess so," David said, adding "When I dunk, then it's fun."
"David, you are putting the cart before the horse. When you are having fun, then you are going to play with the kind of excitement that leads to dunking when given the opportunity. On the other hand, when you are consumed with feelings of disappointment you won't have that same kind of excitement. Instead of relying on having a dunk - which may or may not happen - to create feelings of fun, you might think about what it would take for you to enjoy being out there and THOSE feelings are more likely to lead to making that dunk"
"You know what," David replied, suddenly picking up. "I think if I play like Dennis Rodman - just go out there and don't really care about anything - no expectations ... " As he spoke, his eyes lit up and there was a huge grin on his face.
"You see," I said, "THAT is how you go about having fun. If you go into your next game with THAT as your goal - to play like Dennis Rodman - if you do that, I believe you will find your whole mindset will change."
"So that is what I should do?"
"Think of it this way ... rather than that is what you SHOULD do, that is what you CAN do."
"OK. I see. That is a different way of looking at it. I have been putting so much pressure on myself in terms of what I SHOULD be doing - it really makes more sense to tell myself what I CAN be doing!"
I think that retired tennis champion Andre Agassi had his finger on the matter ... if you don't remember what I wrote previously go back to my earlier post on the topic.
P.S. (Update) Congratulations to David, who had 14 points and 9 rebounds in his final game as a senior!!
"I feel like I need to keep proving myself to my coach," David told me, "but even when I have great games it doesn't seem to make much difference as far as playing time."
Like most Europeans playing in the States, David always assumed that he would return to Europe and play professionally. Coming up, he had been a member of his country's junior national teams. But his lack of playing time and reduced role on the team now has him doubting his future possibilities - and even his desire to play.
While David's situaion is indeed frustrating, it is important for him to keep the focus on the things over which HE has control. The number of minutes he gets or the role he is asked to play - those are things that his coach decides. Maybe these are based on good reasons ... and maybe not. The fact that David felt he has not been able to prove his value to the coach suggests that latter might be the case ... but there is not much value to David's pre-occupation with that. So I steered the conversation toward some of the things that were in HIS control.
For one, I asked him if he was having fun. (Just this week Super Bowl bound Carolina quarterback Cam Newton said that when his career is over he wants to be able to say he had fun.)
"On a scale of 1 - 10, what number best describes how much fun you were having in your last game?"
"3" he said, adding, "when I score, then it's fun.
Reminding David that basketball isn't ONLY about scoring, I said, "You can't always control if you are going to score. For example, let's say you play really strong defense, so that you keep your guy from scoring or wear him down trying to score off you. EFFORT and INTENSITY - those are among the things that you can control. And even if no one notices, YOU would know. Is that something that after the game you would feel satisfied about?"
"Yeah, I guess so," David said, adding "When I dunk, then it's fun."
"David, you are putting the cart before the horse. When you are having fun, then you are going to play with the kind of excitement that leads to dunking when given the opportunity. On the other hand, when you are consumed with feelings of disappointment you won't have that same kind of excitement. Instead of relying on having a dunk - which may or may not happen - to create feelings of fun, you might think about what it would take for you to enjoy being out there and THOSE feelings are more likely to lead to making that dunk"
"You know what," David replied, suddenly picking up. "I think if I play like Dennis Rodman - just go out there and don't really care about anything - no expectations ... " As he spoke, his eyes lit up and there was a huge grin on his face.
"So that is what I should do?"
"Think of it this way ... rather than that is what you SHOULD do, that is what you CAN do."
"OK. I see. That is a different way of looking at it. I have been putting so much pressure on myself in terms of what I SHOULD be doing - it really makes more sense to tell myself what I CAN be doing!"
I think that retired tennis champion Andre Agassi had his finger on the matter ... if you don't remember what I wrote previously go back to my earlier post on the topic.
P.S. (Update) Congratulations to David, who had 14 points and 9 rebounds in his final game as a senior!!
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