The morning news had a story of a political TV talk show which featured two political commentators, one liberal and one conservative, who happened to be brothers.
At one point during the very heated conversation the host took a phone call from a listener … who just happened to be the men’s mother! She berated them for being so argumentative (and even said she was glad that this was the year both sons went to the in-laws for Thanksgiving … how is THAT for harsh!!! Where’s the love??) While reporting this story, one news anchor recalled a time when J.R. Rider (always known for his in-your-face style) got involved in an on-court brawl when his mother came barreling out of the stands to set him straight!!
Although there are always times when we should heed our parents’ criticism, the fact is that the real value is in how our parents support us and encourage us. I had occasion to think of this during a recent conversation with Gary, a college senior who has been struggling in recent weeks, and reporting that the game he has loved all his life has not been so much fun lately.
Gary is eyeing the time in the near future when he will be a professional player drawing a salary. His parents make a modest living and it means a great deal to Gary to be able to help his family out and to make a difference. But that has been weighing heavily on Gary’s mind. “I have been thinking a lot about where I would be playing and if I would make enough to take care of my family. Even though they always been very supportive I just feel the responsibility to help them out, and I am afraid that I won’t be able to do enough, which makes me insecure.” Gary was feeling both the promise and the pressure of what the future represented, but I reminded him that these worries could only get in the way on the court, which indeed was what was happening. So I told Gary that I was certain that if his parents were in the stands and they knew he was harboring these worries they would want to call a “Time Out” to tell him to get his head back in the game.
As he readily agreed (and thought that would be kind of funny) I told him that every time he started having that worry he should picture his mother making the “T” Time Out sign.
I reminded Gary that if he could keep his concern about helping his parents to the proper time and place (off court) and limit the times he gave it consideration (not every day!!) that he would find a proper way to cope with a very legitimate concern … BUT the image of his mother’s consternation would help him keep his heart in the game and restore his love of the sport.
(P.S. I also reminded Gary how thrilled his parents would be at his getting his degree and preparing himself for life after basketball and a profession that would be another way to help provide for his family!)
A couple of weeks later, Gary and I spoke again, and he told me that when he thought of his parents he was mainly feeling good about making them proud of his efforts in the present rather than stressed about how he could help them in the future.
Update: Gary did in fact go on to play in Europe, where after a challenging first year he subsequently signed with a Euroleague team where he is one of his team's leading scorers.
At one point during the very heated conversation the host took a phone call from a listener … who just happened to be the men’s mother! She berated them for being so argumentative (and even said she was glad that this was the year both sons went to the in-laws for Thanksgiving … how is THAT for harsh!!! Where’s the love??) While reporting this story, one news anchor recalled a time when J.R. Rider (always known for his in-your-face style) got involved in an on-court brawl when his mother came barreling out of the stands to set him straight!!
Although there are always times when we should heed our parents’ criticism, the fact is that the real value is in how our parents support us and encourage us. I had occasion to think of this during a recent conversation with Gary, a college senior who has been struggling in recent weeks, and reporting that the game he has loved all his life has not been so much fun lately.
Gary is eyeing the time in the near future when he will be a professional player drawing a salary. His parents make a modest living and it means a great deal to Gary to be able to help his family out and to make a difference. But that has been weighing heavily on Gary’s mind. “I have been thinking a lot about where I would be playing and if I would make enough to take care of my family. Even though they always been very supportive I just feel the responsibility to help them out, and I am afraid that I won’t be able to do enough, which makes me insecure.” Gary was feeling both the promise and the pressure of what the future represented, but I reminded him that these worries could only get in the way on the court, which indeed was what was happening. So I told Gary that I was certain that if his parents were in the stands and they knew he was harboring these worries they would want to call a “Time Out” to tell him to get his head back in the game.
A couple of weeks later, Gary and I spoke again, and he told me that when he thought of his parents he was mainly feeling good about making them proud of his efforts in the present rather than stressed about how he could help them in the future.
Update: Gary did in fact go on to play in Europe, where after a challenging first year he subsequently signed with a Euroleague team where he is one of his team's leading scorers.
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